The Actor (Act 2)

So, on Monday, I made a decision to have a subsequent date with the Actor (see previous post) and I let him know.  He originally suggested Friday night and I agreed.  Later that evening, he sent an email saying that Friday seemed a long way off, and would I be able to go out a little sooner?  He mentioned the possibility of two places including two dates and times.  While both of the restaurants looked inviting, I had a huge school project that I needed to complete before class on Thursday evening and just couldn't make any plans for sooner than Friday.  He emailed back that he understood and would plan a date for Friday.

On Wednesday, the Actor texted me saying he wanted to talk to me whenever it was convenient.  I took a break from my studies and called him.  He told me he had something he wanted to tell me and then something he wanted to ask.  The Actor said he wanted to make me aware of the fact that he was developing cold-like symptoms and just wanted me to know in the event that the symptoms got worse, he didn't want to have to call me at the last minute and I be shocked that we couldn't go out.  I told him I appreciated his concern and hoped that the cold didn't progress into anything that would keep us from enjoying a second date, but would understand if things changed and he couldn't go out.

The Actor then said he hated to even ask me his question owing to the fact that I had made it very clear that I was a true Southern lady who doesn't even mow her own lawn (an entertaining and interesting story I will have to share with you, my blog readers, at some point), but he was going to ask anyway.  Now, when someone makes that much effort to preface their question, you know you are probably not going to like the question, but for the life of me I couldn't imagine what he was going to ask.  So he stumbled and stuttered out his question.  "Are we going to each pay our own way on this date, or were you expecting me to pay it all?"  Let me just say, I am pretty sure my stunned silence answered his question, but I could tell he was not going to let me get by without verbally answering.  So.  I slowly answered his question with the statement, "ALL of the other men I have been out with have always paid for the dates.  I really haven't ever considered that I would pay for a DATE."

Now, what is running through my mind at lightening speed were some of the following thoughts:  I had just had a discussion with my 16 year old daughter prior to her first date with a 16 year old young man that she should expect that her date values her enough to pay her way when they go out.  What on earth would give this 62 year old man that I met on a DATING website the impression that I would in any way think that we were "just friends" each paying our own way?  Even when I go out with friends, one or the other of us often picks up the entire tab.  WOW!  This was different, new and crazy.

At the same time I am having these confusing thoughts, I realize that he is telling me something.  Giving me an explanation for his crazy question, I realize.  Here is what I caught of what he was saying.  "I didn't think you would expect anything other than for me to pay, I just wanted to make sure I had budgeted enough money for the event I was planning for us on Friday."  Really?!?, I'm thinking.  A man who drives a BMW, owns a Moto Guzzi and had just a few days prior told me that he was flying his granddaughters up from Texas to go to a Chief's game one week-end, and that he had received this windfall from his motorcycle settlement for pain and suffering would need to budget for a date that he had already invited me on and was in charge of what the date would cost?  Really?!?  Just to be clear, I ALWAYS make it known to potential dates that a visit to the FREE art museum in the city closest to me (less than a few miles from where the Actor lives) is a GREAT option for a first (or subsequent) date to me.  Meandering around a museum with art is seriously my idea of a really fun date.  So if he was worried about his finances, he certainly could have impressed me with a date that cost him NOTHING and saved us both the awkward moment.  

Apparently, the Actor was thinking about getting tickets to a musical that was in town that had received rave reviews.  But the tickets were....get this....$25 a piece.  Oh my!  And he needed to budget for them if he was going to have to pay for them both.  He mumbled something about how some women insist on paying their own way and he didn't want to offend me if I was one of those women (never mind he offended my Southern roots by asking if I was expecting him to pay).   It was at that moment when it occurred to me that he really didn't have any intention of taking me on this date.  He had covered his bases by informing me that he had a "cold."  A situation that could get better or worse depending on if I were willing to pay my way or not.  Now that was a clever trick, but not in a way that was positive toward winning over a date.

So we ended the conversation with him saying that he would keep me informed about his "cold" and would let me know how things were going closer to the date on Friday.  I went ahead and took him off the calendar for Friday, in the event someone else contacted me and wanted to know a day that I was available.  And sure enough, through text over the next two days, he got amazingly sicker and sicker to the point that he was sure he had the flu.  Being the nurse that I am, and also enjoying making people "work" to weasel out of a situation, I texted him with advice on how to shorten the course of "flu" by encouraging him to see his Primary Care Provider to be tested for the flu and get an anti-viral as soon as possible.  I also offered to bring him some soup (he had given me his address to give to family so I would feel "safe" on a date with him) that he declined as he didn't want me to catch what he had.  An excuse that was quite funny to me, considering that I live in the land of "cooties" as patients literally bring me their illnesses daily.  I'm quite immune.  

Late Thursday, after I kept texting asking how he was off and on through the day, he sent a final text that said he would text me when he was "back to normal." I chuckled as I realized that he was much too far away from "normal" to ever find his way "back."

Proverbs 10:23

A fool finds pleasure in wicked schemes, but a person of understanding delights in wisdom.

The Actor

One of the more interesting characters I have had the opportunity to meet was an Actor.  Looking back, it is now hard to tell what part of the date was for real and what part may have been just a show.

The Actor contacted me through an online dating site and asked if I would be interested in meeting for coffee to see if we thought we had enough in common to go out for a subsequent date.  Although I don't drink coffee, I am always in agreement for having a simple first date of coffee (or other drink) and conversation rather than committing to a complicated dinner date that is potentially difficult to maintain a conversation through. 

The Actor lived in a nearby large city and really wanted to meet me closer to my rural home (so many of them do!) even though I tried to convince him there just was NOT a coffee shop in the town near by me, he insisted he would find a place (using Google) for us to meet.  To his dismay, but after a valiant effort, he discovered that indeed there was NOT a coffee shop or similar place in the nearby town.  Hummm, did he think I was kidding?  His suggestion was Jimmy Johns (but he had never been in one--and they are not conducive to conversation in my opinion) or anywhere else that I thought would be better.  As much as I hated to suggest it for a first date/meeting,  I pointed out that the McDonald's actually had much better seating (high back, cushioned booths) and a better drink selection than JJ's.  

He texted me that Monday a half hour before we were to meet to tell me that he had arrived earlier than expected and would be waiting in his car (a two seater, convertible, BMW) in the right hand corner of the parking lot.  As it turned out, though, he decided to go inside and wait.

I did notice the familiar BMW from his profile picture as I pulled into the parking lot. I also recognized him (although he looked heavier than his pictures) as I stepped into the McDonald's.  We introduced ourselves, hugged and ordered.  I noted that he ordered the least expensive item on the menu, an ice cream in a cup.  I would have followed suit, except that I don't eat dairy so I ordered a small fruit smoothie.

We found a booth in the far back corner and began what became a fascinating two hour conversation.  We laughed, talked, smiled, and I giggled our way through a multitude of interesting topics.  He was very easy to talk to, while also being a great listener.  Those who know me (even for a few minutes) would no doubt describe me as an animated communicator.  It was obvious that he was the same.  

During the course of the conversation, I discovered he was semi-retired from the insurance industry but still maintained/serviced a handful of clients.  He indicated that he only worked about 20 hours a MONTH on those accounts.   He told me that he lived in a exclusive part of the city.  He had a Moto Guzzi motorcycle (apparently a very expensive German brand), drove a two seat, convertible  BMW, and had just won a "pain and suffering" settlement after being hit by a drunk driver while on his previous Moto Guzzi.  It had taken him the better part of the year to recover.  What he did in his spare time was travel (day trips as well as  internationally), act in local theaters, and ride his Moto Guzzi motorcycle (of which he had a picture on his profile page).

One other odd, side job that he also engaged in was working as a Standardized Patient for the health sciences departments of local universities.  Being a Standardized Patient is quite a fascinating as well as interesting activity!  Ironically, I had the woe of encountering Standardized Patients while pursuing my Master's Degree in Nursing.  For the uninitiated, a Standardized Patient is an Actor who is given a health scenario to assume so that each student can theoretically encounter the exact same patient as their fellow students for testing purposes.  For an example, the Standardized Patient (Actor) is told to be a patient with a cough.  They have a list of answers to tell the Student (who is doing a history and physical on the patient/Actor) about the cough.  But the Standardized Patient will not reveal all the answers unless the student asks the right, probing questions.  To a student, Standardized Patients represent exams!  As the Actor and I talked, I realized that HE had actually been the Standardized Patient that I had examined for my Advanced Health Assessment final exam.  We marvels at what a crazy, small world it was!

While I enjoyed his company, there were a few things that he had shared with me, that I thought I should carefully consider before going out with him for a second date.  One had to do with his age.  He was significantly older than me (12 years).  While my late husband was 17 years older, I had been questioning if I really wanted to remarry someone with a similar age gap now that I was older.  The other area I needed to carefully consider was his commitment (or lack thereof) to spiritual growth.  He did share with me that he had gone to seminary and had pastored a church in the very distant past, but was not really involved in a church currently, even though he stated he was not opposed to attending.  I told him that I would let him know the following day, if a subsequent date was something I desired. I told him, that if I did go back out, Friday would be my first available date.

A few hours after arriving home, I decided that the fun we had talking was worth the effort to at least get to know him a little better before I made a definite decision.  I texted him my decision.  He texted back that he was happy I wanted to go out and he would come up with something fun to do on Friday.    I couldn't wait to see what the future would bring.

Do not be overawed when others grow rich,
    when the splendor of their houses increases;
for they will take nothing with them when they die,
    their splendor will not descend with them.  Psalm 49:16-17