The Professional

So the first date was over and as instructed by the Matchmaking Service I called them to give my feedback regarding the match.  They asked me to give three things I liked about the match and three ways I would like the next match to be different.  One criteria I mentioned I would prefer was that the next match be a professional (doctor, lawyer, nurse, pharmacist, engineer, attorney, accountant, CEO, CFO, etc).  After giving feedback, I waited four weeks; then the Service called with my next match.

When the Service called they told me my next match was a 6'0" tall Christian, a professional (I didn't ask WHAT profession, but I should have!) and he likes to travel.  Four of my top priorities.  I am hopeful.

My second date's name is Gary (also my brother's name) and he called shortly after I finished speaking with the Service.  It was about 8 PM.  I was in the middle of a school project but took the call as I knew it would only take about five minutes to set our date, per Matchmaker service guidelines.  Boy, was that a mistaken assumption!

I quickly realized he was a talker.  Immediately he mentioned the town that I live in (info given to him by the Matchmaking Service) and said he knew EXACTLY where it was.  Then he said, "as a matter of fact, I am driving by your town RIGHT now."  Hummm, creepy.  I found out he WAS in fact a professional.  A professional truck driver that is.  There seemed to be a disconnect between what I told the service I was looking for and this match. He explained he was on a haul to Arkansas and would be coming back through in the morning.  He told me all about his divorce, ex-wife, children, that his daughter is a nurse (like I am), how his dad died (with a piece of food in his mouth--I am not kidding!  I don't make this stuff up!), how many siblings he has, why he chose truck driving over staying at the dairy farm, etc, etc.

Anytime he asked me a question, it was obvious that it was for the sole purpose of either buying time to think of something else to say, or to add a new thought to the conversation so he could have something to talk about.  One question he asked me was if I had any siblings.  I told him that I did.  My two sisters lived in and around Baton Rouge.  I had a brother that lived in Dallas and a second brother that was a missionary in Rwanda.  He immediately replied,  "Hummm, I have been to ALL of those places."   I am feeling somewhat impressed as I have not even been to Rwanda.  "I was in a truck stop in all of those places, except that last one you said."  I think, all except the last one, because I'm pretty sure you don't even know where it is!

He asked about my work.  Wanted to know where. When I was working next (which I did not tell him!).  If I lived in town or outside of town (again I don't answer this).

He gets a brilliant idea.  Why don't we meet up in the morning at the hospital where I work (as he assumed I was working the next day?!?) as he is coming back home from his haul?  Perfect, right?  No.  That won't work for me I tell him.  Then he realizes he will be in his big rig and he probably won't have anywhere to park it, anyway.  Then he thinks that maybe it would be a good idea if, when we do meet, we eat at a restaurant in my town so that when we get finished, if we still want to talk, we go back to my place.  Is he kidding me?  I absolutely insist that there are NO good restaurants in my town.  And besides, I like to get out of town when I go out for an evening.  Get out as far away from my house as I can so people like you cannot figure out where I live and make a surprise visit, I think.

Twenty-one minutes later (but who was keeping time, right?), which is sixteen minutes longer than the Matchmaking Service states we are to talk on that first phone call (I tend toward following the rules), he said to me that "we will pick a date and time for our first meeting later!"  WHAT?!?  I have endured all of this and we still do not have a date set?

And if I thought it couldn't get any worse, well it does.  Before we hang up (at my prompting) he tells me, "I can tell I am going to like you already." REALLY?!?  I can only guess it is because I am a good listener, because other than knowing the three places my family lives, he didn't know squat about me!

There was just something wrong about this encounter.  Wrong on so many levels.  I decided to wait until the next week to do anything about the situation as it was a holiday weekend coming up and I was going out of town.  While on vacation, I am encouraged by my family to call the Matchmaking Service and report him and tell the service I am not going out with him.

I come back into town with a renewed determination to just get this date over with.  I text him suggesting a place to meet in a town 30 miles away and offer three possible times.  He texts back that he is getting ready to leave on a haul and would I please call him back tomorrow.  ACK!  Can we please get this over with?  Later that evening, much later, like between 11 PM and midnight, he sends me a text.  Would I want him to pick me up on his way past my house, take me to Arkansas on a haul with him and bring me back the next morning?  Seriously????  I don't even know his last name, what he looks like or ANYTHING (except useless trivia) about him.  I reply,  "No. I am studying."  EGADS!!!  That is it.  Now I know I will not go out with him.  At. All.

I call the Matchmaking Service the next morning and report his behavior.  The matchmaker has to confer with a supervisor and then comes back and tells me I will have to let Greg know that I don't want to go out with him.  So, I do.  I send a text saying it was offensive that he would even ask me to go overnight with him to Arkansas when I didn't even know him and I had contacted the Service and they wanted him to call them.  There.  It was back on them.  He texts me back saying how he didn't mean anything by it and could we still go out.  Then he calls me and leaves a voicemail saying if I still want to go out he would be glad to take me.   Blah, Blah, Blah.   I ignore all contact and thankfully he disappears.

There was some apprehension on my part for a while as I had the thought, "What if he were a stalker?"  I did notify local friends in the area so they would be aware.  Thankfully, nothing ever came of it.

One thing this encounter taught me, was the importance of letting friends and family know what is going on while I am having such encounters.  I have been particularly blessed that, locally, my Pastor is very willing to talk to me, offer advice, encourage me to not get discouraged and also offer to confront any men that I am uncomfortable with (he reminds me all the time he has a gun and will be willing to show it if necessary.  Further from my home, I have my mom who I try to keep informed of who I am going on a date with, where we will be and any pertinent information about the time I am away.   My sister, again, further away physically, but who can always think of the nicest, firmest way to convey a difficult concept to another person.  I could have made some difficult situations worse had it not been for the tactful advice she has offered.  Also, locally are other friends who listen to my dilemmas, offer advice and don't say "we told you so" when I don't always follow what they have to say.  

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

A Delay

At about the sixth month mark following 'the life altering event' that led me to entertaining thoughts of remarriage, I was anxiously awaiting the first year to be over so I could start dating.  Never mind that at six months there were still days that I couldn't stop crying. This occurred most the day on some days, and happened more regularly than I wanted to acknowledge.  Just think how fun I would have been as a dating partner at that point?  Six months into widowhood was obviously not long enough for me to have adequately grieved nor to have allowed my daughter the time she needed.

So waiting for a year to be up before heading into the dating scene, was really one of the best pieces of advice that I received AND chose to follow.

Then that first anniversary that I couldn't wait to come and dreaded all at the same time, finally arrived.

My daughter and I spent the days prior to and on the anniversary of his death coming back from a mission trip to Taiwan.  [Incidentally, it was 5 days after a trip to Taiwan the previous year that my husband died of a Pulmonary Embolism.  Returning to Taiwan was a bittersweet reminder of that event but also served as a chance for my daughter and me to show ourselves that WE were capable of making a trip like this together.  I am truly thankful for all the spiritual support we had on that trip.]




The trip came while I was on a short break from my newest, latest escape from reality--graduate school.  (It dawned on me one day that I tend to dive into school when I am feeling overwhelmed with life.  How crazy is that!?!)  I had just completed my first summer semester and was headed into the first Fall semester of a Master's of Science in Nursing degree.  I quickly learned that the first Fall semester is the 'weeding' semester, so I had NO time to even think about anything but Advanced Nursing Assessment, Diagnostic Reasoning, Pathophysiology and some other class I can't even remember now.  That was the craziest, most insane four months of my entire life!
[Let me just insert right here, that the death of my husband/her father qualifies as THE WORST event EVER in my life.  Nothing else even comes close as a comparison.  So let's just put it in its own category and all the other comparisons I make from here on out are against everything else in my life, but not the death! Deal.]

So my first, actual, serious thoughts about dating didn't occur until I was well past the 18 month mark.  It is amazing how God orchestrates our lives, often saving us from ourselves.  Also, I think at that point, my daughter thought she was not going to have to deal with her mother's escapade into dating.  Little did she know, my determination would rear its ugly head well before the second year was up.