The Professional

So the first date was over and as instructed by the Matchmaking Service I called them to give my feedback regarding the match.  They asked me to give three things I liked about the match and three ways I would like the next match to be different.  One criteria I mentioned I would prefer was that the next match be a professional (doctor, lawyer, nurse, pharmacist, engineer, attorney, accountant, CEO, CFO, etc).  After giving feedback, I waited four weeks; then the Service called with my next match.

When the Service called they told me my next match was a 6'0" tall Christian, a professional (I didn't ask WHAT profession, but I should have!) and he likes to travel.  Four of my top priorities.  I am hopeful.

My second date's name is Gary (also my brother's name) and he called shortly after I finished speaking with the Service.  It was about 8 PM.  I was in the middle of a school project but took the call as I knew it would only take about five minutes to set our date, per Matchmaker service guidelines.  Boy, was that a mistaken assumption!

I quickly realized he was a talker.  Immediately he mentioned the town that I live in (info given to him by the Matchmaking Service) and said he knew EXACTLY where it was.  Then he said, "as a matter of fact, I am driving by your town RIGHT now."  Hummm, creepy.  I found out he WAS in fact a professional.  A professional truck driver that is.  There seemed to be a disconnect between what I told the service I was looking for and this match. He explained he was on a haul to Arkansas and would be coming back through in the morning.  He told me all about his divorce, ex-wife, children, that his daughter is a nurse (like I am), how his dad died (with a piece of food in his mouth--I am not kidding!  I don't make this stuff up!), how many siblings he has, why he chose truck driving over staying at the dairy farm, etc, etc.

Anytime he asked me a question, it was obvious that it was for the sole purpose of either buying time to think of something else to say, or to add a new thought to the conversation so he could have something to talk about.  One question he asked me was if I had any siblings.  I told him that I did.  My two sisters lived in and around Baton Rouge.  I had a brother that lived in Dallas and a second brother that was a missionary in Rwanda.  He immediately replied,  "Hummm, I have been to ALL of those places."   I am feeling somewhat impressed as I have not even been to Rwanda.  "I was in a truck stop in all of those places, except that last one you said."  I think, all except the last one, because I'm pretty sure you don't even know where it is!

He asked about my work.  Wanted to know where. When I was working next (which I did not tell him!).  If I lived in town or outside of town (again I don't answer this).

He gets a brilliant idea.  Why don't we meet up in the morning at the hospital where I work (as he assumed I was working the next day?!?) as he is coming back home from his haul?  Perfect, right?  No.  That won't work for me I tell him.  Then he realizes he will be in his big rig and he probably won't have anywhere to park it, anyway.  Then he thinks that maybe it would be a good idea if, when we do meet, we eat at a restaurant in my town so that when we get finished, if we still want to talk, we go back to my place.  Is he kidding me?  I absolutely insist that there are NO good restaurants in my town.  And besides, I like to get out of town when I go out for an evening.  Get out as far away from my house as I can so people like you cannot figure out where I live and make a surprise visit, I think.

Twenty-one minutes later (but who was keeping time, right?), which is sixteen minutes longer than the Matchmaking Service states we are to talk on that first phone call (I tend toward following the rules), he said to me that "we will pick a date and time for our first meeting later!"  WHAT?!?  I have endured all of this and we still do not have a date set?

And if I thought it couldn't get any worse, well it does.  Before we hang up (at my prompting) he tells me, "I can tell I am going to like you already." REALLY?!?  I can only guess it is because I am a good listener, because other than knowing the three places my family lives, he didn't know squat about me!

There was just something wrong about this encounter.  Wrong on so many levels.  I decided to wait until the next week to do anything about the situation as it was a holiday weekend coming up and I was going out of town.  While on vacation, I am encouraged by my family to call the Matchmaking Service and report him and tell the service I am not going out with him.

I come back into town with a renewed determination to just get this date over with.  I text him suggesting a place to meet in a town 30 miles away and offer three possible times.  He texts back that he is getting ready to leave on a haul and would I please call him back tomorrow.  ACK!  Can we please get this over with?  Later that evening, much later, like between 11 PM and midnight, he sends me a text.  Would I want him to pick me up on his way past my house, take me to Arkansas on a haul with him and bring me back the next morning?  Seriously????  I don't even know his last name, what he looks like or ANYTHING (except useless trivia) about him.  I reply,  "No. I am studying."  EGADS!!!  That is it.  Now I know I will not go out with him.  At. All.

I call the Matchmaking Service the next morning and report his behavior.  The matchmaker has to confer with a supervisor and then comes back and tells me I will have to let Greg know that I don't want to go out with him.  So, I do.  I send a text saying it was offensive that he would even ask me to go overnight with him to Arkansas when I didn't even know him and I had contacted the Service and they wanted him to call them.  There.  It was back on them.  He texts me back saying how he didn't mean anything by it and could we still go out.  Then he calls me and leaves a voicemail saying if I still want to go out he would be glad to take me.   Blah, Blah, Blah.   I ignore all contact and thankfully he disappears.

There was some apprehension on my part for a while as I had the thought, "What if he were a stalker?"  I did notify local friends in the area so they would be aware.  Thankfully, nothing ever came of it.

One thing this encounter taught me, was the importance of letting friends and family know what is going on while I am having such encounters.  I have been particularly blessed that, locally, my Pastor is very willing to talk to me, offer advice, encourage me to not get discouraged and also offer to confront any men that I am uncomfortable with (he reminds me all the time he has a gun and will be willing to show it if necessary.  Further from my home, I have my mom who I try to keep informed of who I am going on a date with, where we will be and any pertinent information about the time I am away.   My sister, again, further away physically, but who can always think of the nicest, firmest way to convey a difficult concept to another person.  I could have made some difficult situations worse had it not been for the tactful advice she has offered.  Also, locally are other friends who listen to my dilemmas, offer advice and don't say "we told you so" when I don't always follow what they have to say.  

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

Options (continued)

After deciding what options were NOT good for finding a date, I began thinking about what WOULD be a good option.  My thoughts turned to a new friend that I had recently met at the clinic I was working in. A few weeks prior, I went to a wedding shower for her and it was there that I discovered she met her husband-to-be on ChristianMingle.com.  I decided that maybe online dating would be a good option for me as well.

So, on that random Saturday, while working on a school project, I took a short break from my studies and typed the words ChristianMingle.com into my web browser.  There was the offer to join for free.  So I started typing.  There was a combination of questions regarding email address, user name, password, birthdate, Name, Zip Code.  The requested information gradually became more personal.   Height?  Surprisingly no question about weight, but had to choose your body type, such as 'Athletic' 'Slim' 'Average' 'A few extra pounds,' etc.  I began to see where people could easily mis-identify themselves.  Who of us doesn't want to believe we are skinnier or richer than we really are? Then the question of income range (yet another opportunity to deceive).  Singleness status? Such as 'Never Married' 'Divorced' 'Widowed' Occupation?  Do you have children?  Do they live at home? I kept typing or checking off boxes.  Why type of church did you grow up in?  What type of church do you attend now?  What type of ministry are you involved in?  How do you define yourself as a Christian?  This was interesting.  There were choices such as 'It defines who I am' to 'I am trying to decide.'  What?  I thought this was a place Christians came to mingle?  This did not make sense.  But I made my choice (It defines who I am) and moved on.  The question about how often you attend church was just as disturbing.  From 'Weekly' to 'Never'.  Hummm?

Next came the all important 'Who am I and what am I looking for' paragraph.  Wow.  How exactly does one tell potential dates who they are and what they are like in a few hundred characters?  That is at least as difficult if not more difficult than describing what you are looking for in a potential date.  [At this point I am wondering why I thought this would be a good break/distraction from my school project!]

The final part is submitting some photos of yourself.  Well, now.  I am usually the one behind the camera, so not too many (dare I say, not ANY that are flattering) pics of myself to post.  When you try to skip this part, you get a warning that people do not look at profiles if you don't have a picture posted.  I'm sure that is true.  But I certainly didn't want unflattering pictures of me posted.  So I began plotting how I was going to get some good current photos of myself, without letting anyone know that I had signed up for online dating.

So far, this online option was my secret.  A place to escape to so I could quietly find the Christian man of my dreams.  I really couldn't wait to surprise my family and friends with the story of the date-of-my-dreams that I had just taken the time to define!  What could there be about this new adventure that wouldn't be fun?