The site that I have received the most responses from potential dates has ben Match.com. In only 3 months I have met in person, four men. Two of those I had several dates with before deciding they were not for me and have had texting and phone conversations with at least that many more besides the ones I met. They have all been unique interactions and quite interesting to talk with.
There is a curious group of men that I have encountered on these online sites that I refer to as The Unlikely Widowers. It took an encounter or two with them before I was able to spot them for what they are not--A True Widower.
Being a widow at fifty is a unique place to be in life. It is a relatively exclusive and narrow club (thankfully!). There is a certain reverence that even I feel for someone who has lost a mate to death versus divorce. There is an understanding that when a young widow or widower is looking for a date, they have traversed a very distinct life experience at a much younger age than most.
Apparently, there are some men (although I'm not convinced they are always men) who like to pose as a Widower on dating sites in order to take advantage of just those venerable feelings mentioned above. I was caught off guard with the first encounter. But have come to an awareness of key components in their profiles that give me a hunch they are not legitimate. Just when I think I won't fall for one again....I do. I just did it again last night. But at least now, I can cut off contact before I waste too much time.
Here are some keys to spotting the Unlikely Widowers.
Clues in their profile: Their profile states they are widowers. They usually are the most handsome dudes in your matches for the week. They usually only have one picture in their profile (although some have 2 and one had 3). They usually have a child or children they say they are very devoted to (not unusual in the profiles but it is what they do/say later that gives you more clues this is bogus). Their profiles are usually written in pretty good English (which is no big deal until later contact gives other clues) OR the profile has a mixture of good English and broken English (you know, the kind that only people who's English is their second language can duplicate--tenses and word order errors--no offense to those who English is a second language, I have a great deal of respect for you--but hopefully you are not posing to be someone you are not). Many do not put their punctuation next to the their words. I will show you what I mean with this sentence . See how the punctuation is not next to the word ? It drives me crazy . They usually report a fairly decent income (usually $75,000 to over $150,000). Their job usually involves travel; especially travel to distant time zones.
Clues in their correspondence: They email you and flatter you by saying how drop dead gorgeous you are and how they were amazed with your profile. OK, now that may be true [insert a wink BIG GRIN here], but it is the thick flattery in an initial email that is the give away. They can't get you off their mind. They request, either in their profile or in the Match.com email they send you that they want to get to know you right away and they either send you their phone number or request that you set up a chat so it will be "easier to talk." They fail to ever mention those children that they are so devoted to and often downplay any questions you ask about their children. They are usually on a business trip (to South Africa, or such) when they contact you. Their English abilities will go from being fairly good, to very broken within the course of a few hours of texting.
I have never stayed in contact with these Unlikely Widowers for more than a day (maybe 48 hours with the first one). The first Unlikely Widower was supposedly from Florida and was on a business trip in South Africa. I asked him about where his children were while he was on his trip and he said they were old enough to be on their own. At one point, I realized that if he were texting me at the time he was (10 PM my time, as I recall), that it had to be 3 AM in South Africa. So I tell how I can't believe he is texting me when it is 3 AM where he is. He gets confused (thinking it was 3 AM my time) and stops texting. But then the next morning at 3 AM my time I get a text from him. Thankfully I put my phone on silent at night otherwise I would have been more than a little upset! It was obvious he was not aware of the time difference (as he would have been if he actually lived in Florida). I stop texting him at that point and after a few texts asking if I was going to talk to him any more (that I didn't respond to) he stops contacting me. His texts were the first that I noticed the major inconsistencies in English ability.
A second Unlikely Widower that I had contact with, asked me about my "ex" after I told him I was a widow and he says he was a widower. That was another BIG clue that he really was not a widow. NO widow(er) that I have ever met has referred to their late spouse as an "ex"--that is just WRONG.
While I have never maintained contact for very long, I have read in the warnings for online dating websites that there are men who want to quickly get off of the online dating site because they are con artists and will befriend women and then ask for money to be sent to their account for some sad story such as a child that needs surgery and their money (all that gobs of money they report making) is tied up. Apparently they ask for your bank info so they can pay you back or some non-sense.
There have been a few who I really couldn't tell if they were for real or not. My philosophy has been: If in doubt, they are out! Better safe than sorry. Although for the LIFE of me, I can NOT figure out why a woman would give them money or account info.
As we learned from our Pastor a few weeks ago....it takes the wisdom that we can only get from God's Word to discern those who are leading us toward danger.
Below is a verse from one of the chapters he talked about. To hear/see the whole sermon go to Heart of Life or the direct link to the sermon idk? sermon series--choose 11/10/13 Enjoy!
Proverbs 2:12-15
New International Version (NIV)
Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
from men whose words are perverse,
who have left the straight paths
to walk in dark ways,
who delight in doing wrong
and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
whose paths are crooked
and who are devious in their ways.
from men whose words are perverse,
who have left the straight paths
to walk in dark ways,
who delight in doing wrong
and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
whose paths are crooked
and who are devious in their ways.
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