On Wednesday, the Actor texted me saying he wanted to talk to me whenever it was convenient. I took a break from my studies and called him. He told me he had something he wanted to tell me and then something he wanted to ask. The Actor said he wanted to make me aware of the fact that he was developing cold-like symptoms and just wanted me to know in the event that the symptoms got worse, he didn't want to have to call me at the last minute and I be shocked that we couldn't go out. I told him I appreciated his concern and hoped that the cold didn't progress into anything that would keep us from enjoying a second date, but would understand if things changed and he couldn't go out.
The Actor then said he hated to even ask me his question owing to the fact that I had made it very clear that I was a true Southern lady who doesn't even mow her own lawn (an entertaining and interesting story I will have to share with you, my blog readers, at some point), but he was going to ask anyway. Now, when someone makes that much effort to preface their question, you know you are probably not going to like the question, but for the life of me I couldn't imagine what he was going to ask. So he stumbled and stuttered out his question. "Are we going to each pay our own way on this date, or were you expecting me to pay it all?" Let me just say, I am pretty sure my stunned silence answered his question, but I could tell he was not going to let me get by without verbally answering. So. I slowly answered his question with the statement, "ALL of the other men I have been out with have always paid for the dates. I really haven't ever considered that I would pay for a DATE."
Now, what is running through my mind at lightening speed were some of the following thoughts: I had just had a discussion with my 16 year old daughter prior to her first date with a 16 year old young man that she should expect that her date values her enough to pay her way when they go out. What on earth would give this 62 year old man that I met on a DATING website the impression that I would in any way think that we were "just friends" each paying our own way? Even when I go out with friends, one or the other of us often picks up the entire tab. WOW! This was different, new and crazy.
At the same time I am having these confusing thoughts, I realize that he is telling me something. Giving me an explanation for his crazy question, I realize. Here is what I caught of what he was saying. "I didn't think you would expect anything other than for me to pay, I just wanted to make sure I had budgeted enough money for the event I was planning for us on Friday." Really?!?, I'm thinking. A man who drives a BMW, owns a Moto Guzzi and had just a few days prior told me that he was flying his granddaughters up from Texas to go to a Chief's game one week-end, and that he had received this windfall from his motorcycle settlement for pain and suffering would need to budget for a date that he had already invited me on and was in charge of what the date would cost? Really?!? Just to be clear, I ALWAYS make it known to potential dates that a visit to the FREE art museum in the city closest to me (less than a few miles from where the Actor lives) is a GREAT option for a first (or subsequent) date to me. Meandering around a museum with art is seriously my idea of a really fun date. So if he was worried about his finances, he certainly could have impressed me with a date that cost him NOTHING and saved us both the awkward moment.
Apparently, the Actor was thinking about getting tickets to a musical that was in town that had received rave reviews. But the tickets were....get this....$25 a piece. Oh my! And he needed to budget for them if he was going to have to pay for them both. He mumbled something about how some women insist on paying their own way and he didn't want to offend me if I was one of those women (never mind he offended my Southern roots by asking if I was expecting him to pay). It was at that moment when it occurred to me that he really didn't have any intention of taking me on this date. He had covered his bases by informing me that he had a "cold." A situation that could get better or worse depending on if I were willing to pay my way or not. Now that was a clever trick, but not in a way that was positive toward winning over a date.
So we ended the conversation with him saying that he would keep me informed about his "cold" and would let me know how things were going closer to the date on Friday. I went ahead and took him off the calendar for Friday, in the event someone else contacted me and wanted to know a day that I was available. And sure enough, through text over the next two days, he got amazingly sicker and sicker to the point that he was sure he had the flu. Being the nurse that I am, and also enjoying making people "work" to weasel out of a situation, I texted him with advice on how to shorten the course of "flu" by encouraging him to see his Primary Care Provider to be tested for the flu and get an anti-viral as soon as possible. I also offered to bring him some soup (he had given me his address to give to family so I would feel "safe" on a date with him) that he declined as he didn't want me to catch what he had. An excuse that was quite funny to me, considering that I live in the land of "cooties" as patients literally bring me their illnesses daily. I'm quite immune.
Late Thursday, after I kept texting asking how he was off and on through the day, he sent a final text that said he would text me when he was "back to normal." I chuckled as I realized that he was much too far away from "normal" to ever find his way "back."
Proverbs 10:23
A fool finds pleasure in wicked schemes, but a person of understanding delights in wisdom.
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